D269: Task 3 – Cover Letter Edits & Revisions for Preschool Aide

Student Name

Western Governors University

D269 Composition: Writing with a Strategy

Prof. Name:

Date

D269: Task 3

Revised Cover Letter for Preschool Aide Position

To Whom It May Concern,

After learning about the reputable childcare services provided at Grisham State University, I am excited to submit my application for the Preschool Aide position at your daycare center. The university’s commitment to creating a safe, educational, and nurturing environment aligns perfectly with my passion for early childhood education and my experience working with young learners.

My interest in creative, hands-on learning makes me an excellent fit for this role. In my spare time, I enjoy papercrafting and designing personalized gifts using my Cricut machine. These activities have strengthened my ability to create engaging and developmentally appropriate projects for children with short attention spans. Additionally, I currently volunteer as a book club leader for third-grade girls in my community, where I foster literacy skills and encourage a lifelong love of reading.

Education and Professional Experience

My career goal has always been centered around education and child development. I am currently pursuing a teaching certificate at Western Governors University (WGU) and am dedicated to working in the education field until retirement.

I have two years of professional experience as a preschool aide at my local YMCA, where I supported a lead teacher, Ms. Pamela White, in managing a classroom of four-year-olds. My responsibilities included classroom preparation, individual student support, and maintaining a clean, organized learning environment. My performance was recognized with the “Brightest Star” Award, honoring my reliability, creativity, and positive attitude.

Furthermore, I have extensive experience babysitting my younger siblings, which has taught me patience, empathy, and effective communication with children of different ages.

Skills and Competencies

I possess strong multilingual abilities, being fluent in Spanish and conversational in French. My technological proficiency includes Microsoft Word, Excel, and other common educational software, and I am a fast learner when adapting to new systems. Safety, attention to detail, and maintaining a positive outlook are the guiding principles in my work with children.

My hobbies—participating in book clubs and rock climbing—enhance both my mental and physical well-being. I believe that staying intellectually and physically active helps me bring energy, balance, and creativity to my role as an educator.

I am very enthusiastic about the possibility of joining your team at Grisham State University and contributing to your mission of supporting early learning and development. I would be delighted to discuss my qualifications in more detail. Please feel free to contact me at 555-5522 (text preferred) for additional information.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,
Jo Jones

Reasoning for Revisions and Edits

The revised letter includes multiple structural, grammatical, and stylistic improvements. The goal of these changes was to enhance clarity, professionalism, and alignment with the preschool aide job description.

Category	Type of Edit	Description of Change	Reason for Change
Introduction	Revision	Clarified position and expressed enthusiasm for the role.	Provides a strong opening that immediately connects applicant qualifications with job requirements.
Structure	Revision	Grouped related content (skills, education, experience) into distinct paragraphs.	Improves readability and logical flow.
Professional Language	Edit	Replaced informal language such as “I’m” with “I am.”	Ensures professional tone appropriate for job application.
Details and Examples	Revision	Added more concrete examples (e.g., volunteering, awards).	Strengthens the applicant’s credibility and experience.
Grammar and Punctuation	Edit	Added commas and corrected sentence structure.	Enhances clarity and readability.
Closing Statement	Revision	Added a polite and formal conclusion with contact details.	Demonstrates professionalism and courtesy.

Feedback on Original Submission

1. Introduction

The original introduction did not effectively capture the reader’s attention or clearly state the position being applied for. The revised version immediately identifies the role and connects the applicant’s enthusiasm with the daycare’s mission.

2. Strengths

The writer’s passion for education and working with children remains the strongest aspect of the letter. Their enthusiasm and dedication are well-communicated throughout.

3. Weaknesses

The initial letter lacked organization, professional tone, and sufficient detail regarding work experience. These have been improved through specific examples, smoother transitions, and more formal language.

4. Conclusion

The previous conclusion repeated information without providing closure. The updated version includes a thank-you statement, a call to action, and contact details, ensuring the letter ends on a professional and confident note.

References

American Psychological Association. (2020). Publication manual of the American Psychological Association (7th ed.). American Psychological Association.

Western Governors University. (n.d.). Early childhood education degree program. Retrieved from https://www.wgu.edu